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How To Lose Weight Fast Without Exercise

How to lose weight fast without exercise.Yes — you can lose weight fast without exercise. And, this is very likely the only place on the entire internet that absolutely wont bullshit you about how to do it. I’m going to lay out the most simple, quickest to implement means of losing weight that have been absolutely, positively proven to be 100% effective. A plan that, if followed, will absolutely make you lose weight fast without exercise. But, first I need to make sure of something. If you go to Google™ right now and type into the search box the words “How to lose weight”, one of the first auto-fill suggestions that comes up is “How to lose weight fast without exercise or dieting.” And, that means that a lot of people are asking that question. So, I have to ask: Is that what you actually mean? Do you actually want to know how to lose weight fast without either exercising or dieting at all? Because if it is, then I have no choice but to ask you in return: Are you stupid, or something? What freakin’ planet are you from? Do you think there’s a magic pill you can take, or something?

Ok, ok — perhaps I was a little brash there. As a matter of fact, I do know of one simple method you can employ that absolutely will make you lose a significant amount of weight almost immediately — inside of 15 minutes or so. It’s completely, 100% effective — it works every, single time you do it. You’ll drop pounds instantly. And, you will not have to perform any boring exercises at all, nor stick to any pain-in-the-ass diet. And, it’s so simple that just about anyone can do it. Sounds incredible, huh? So, how do you lose weight fast without exercise or diet? It’s so simple, you’re going to freak right the fuck out: Get your hands on some sort of sharp edged cutting tool — preferably something with a serrated edge and sturdy blade. If you have access to a power saw of some sort, that’ll make your weight loss even quicker! Once you have a suitable tool, simply begin hacking off limbs! Dropping a single leg alone is an easy 10-lbs or so of instant weight loss for most people.

I didn’t say the method would be safe. If you want a quick, effective way to safely lose weight fast without diet or exercise, you’re up shit’s creek, my tubby little friend. No such method exists. But, if you are here simply looking for how to lose weight fast without exercise, without all of that no-diet either nonsense, well then, things are different. Read on, jiggle-butt. Your answer awaits you in the following few paragraphs.

Ok. I said I wasn’t going to bullshit you. And, I’m not. Here’s the absolute truth on how to lose weight fast without exercise: Repeat after me: ‘The fastest way to lose weight is to fast”

Lose weight fastIt’s true. There is no quicker method. If you want to lose weight fast without exercise, there’s no quicker way of doing it than to fast. And, just in case you’re stupid as well as a lard-ass, to ‘fast’ means to not eat. Stop eating and just drink water — plenty of water. That’s the quickest way. No matter what anyone else tells you. No matter what kind of stupid diet anyone tries to get you to follow. It’s all bullshit. The fastest way to lose weight is to fast — period — end of.

But, It’s not healthy. And, it’s not safe. I recommended you not do it. Don’t fast. Eat something, for God’s sake! Here’s the skinny (no offense) on the whole thing: You are the jelly-assed, fatso, tub-o-lard that you are because you are ingesting more calories than your body is burning. So, in order to reduce your weight, you need to either burn more calories, or take less in. Or, preferably, do a bit of both. That’s the no-bullshit answer. And, in order to burn more calories, that means you’re going to have to exercise. To take less in, that means you’re going to have to diet. There’s no way around it. Stop stuffing your face full of damned pizza and chocolate éclairs and get off your ginormously rotund butter-butt and get up and move around every so often, for crying out loud! Jeez! Would it really kill you to get off your couch once in a while?

Also, you could take up doing crystal-meth, or heroin. That’ll work too. But, you’re not THAT fucking stupid are you? Fat and stupid is no way to go through life.

Jeez! I don’t know. If you want to know how to lose weight fast without exercise, go see a freakin’ Doctor. Ask him. What do I look like? I gave you the no-bullshit answers: Start hacking off limbs, stop eating, pick up a dangerous drug habbit. These things will work. That’s the truth. But, if you’d actually try them, then being a lard-ass is not the most pressing of your problems — being a complete fucking moron is. If you’re seriously considering any of those things, then here’s my advice: Go stuff a couple of cheeseburgers in your greasy maw and start in on trying to discover how to not be a complete retard without exercise instead.

So, that’s it in a nutshell: If you want to learn how to lose weight fast without exercise, the answer is to restrict your caloric intake to such a degree that the minuscule amount of effort you do regularly expend in actually moving that giant, battleship of a body of yours burns more calories than what you’re taking in. If what you actually want to learn is how to lose weight fast without exercise or diet, then you’re a moron. There’s no way to safely do it. Stop looking for a magic pill. Eat less and move your body more. Stop looking to accomplish something without effort, you lazy mess. That’s WHY YOU’RE FAT! Because you don’t want to expend effort. Jeez! Don’t you get it? The very reason why you’re looking for a way to drop pounds quickly without exercise IS the very reason why you’re a lard-ass in the first place! Cut back on the donuts and go for a freakin’ walk, or something. Would it kill you?

I hope that helps! Have a great day!


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