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Washing Machines May be Attempting to Overthrow Humanity!

Are ordinary household washing machines, previously thought to be a rather docile species, beginning to rise up violently against humanity? Perhaps they wish to take over? Perhaps they’ve just had enough of people mixing  whites with colored fabrics and are lashing out violently in protest?

For years they seem to have been making their displeasure with the human race known by stealing our socks. Was this intended to be some sort of a signal to humanity of their kind’s disgust and frustrations with us? And, seeing as how their attempts at communications apparently didn’t work, are they now turning to more sinister action? Have they begun a violent uprising in an attempt to overthrow the oppressive human power structure?

It would seem as though this just might be a real possibility, considering the exceedingly bizarre fact that for the second time in as many days a story has hit the newswires detailing people’s frightening run-ins with what would seem to be washing machines possessing malicious intent!

On January 5th of this year, the New York Daily News ran a breaking story about an 11 year old Utah girl who became hopelessly ensnared inside the bowels of one these sinister washing machines while attempting to hide from her cousins in a game of hide-and-seek. Despite strenuous efforts on the part of her entire family, the washing machine in question would not give up its prey. Firefighter rescuers had to be called in to do battle with the embittered washing machine, and the girl was finally freed after an arduous struggle, and after spending a full 90 minutes being helplessly trapped in the machine’s malevolent grasp.

Washing machine attacks 11 year old girl

Then, strangely enough, just two days later, a story would once again hit the newswires about a man in Mooroopna, Australia who hid naked inside his washing machine with the intention of surprising his girlfriend (because chicks dig that sort of thing) This unfortunate fellow also became hopelessly wedged inside the washing machine’s foul grip of impending death. Paramedics, Firefighters and even Shepparton’s Search and Rescue Squad descended on the man’s abode, and after some struggle, rescue workers were able to save the man by greasing up his naked body with olive oil.

While apparently happy that his life had been saved, the man was also undoubtedly at least somewhat disappointed, as his original intent had been to have his girlfriend do the rubbing down with olive oil — not some burly firefighter (even as assuredly as it is that the firefighter was undoubtedly the owner of glistening and firm pectoral and abdominal muscles). He had originally, it is assumed, been hoping for a night of passionate and fun love-play between he and his partner — not the playing out of a scene typical of some D-level gay porno flick.

By all accounts, both the young 11-year old girl, and the horrendously embarrassed naked Australian bloke, suffered no serious injuries resulting from their attacks and are doing fine. No word could be found regarding the fate of the insidious washing machines, however. While the experiences must have been traumatizing for the victims, all involved appeared to have escaped what might have been a truly dire fate… this time, at least.

Keep vigilant watch on your household appliances, my friends. The battle between humanity and what has been, up until now, our trusted electronic and mechanical servants, may just be in its beginning stages. We here at ReallyWeirdThings.Com will be sure to keep a watchful and tireless eye on the hot-sheets for similar stories taking place and will diligently inform our readers of any such bizarre happening and goings-on.

Photo credit: KUTV CBS 2 Local News

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