This past July, a woman who was walking her pet poodle through a wooded area in eastern France was viciously attacked by what was, apparently, a clowder of pure evil. (If you don’t know… and, most don’t, so don’t feel bad… a ‘clowder’ is a group of cats) The group of feral cats mauled the poor woman and her small poodle for no apparent reason. So severe was the attack that, while all survived the incident, her poodle required what was reported to be some fairly extensive veterinary care, and the woman, herself, needed to be hospitalized and treated for, among other things, a severed artery.
There are, it should be stated, at the time of this writing, no reports to be found of ne’er do well corpse grinders having fed this particular clowder of satanic feline malignancy any cat-food wrought from human flesh via the operation of any diabolical corpse grinding machine.
An area veterinarian, Valerie Dramard, commented on the case to reporters and expressed her concern regarding the number of stray cats in the area of Belfort, where the incident occurred. Dr. Dramard, however, assures us that, in her words, “Cats are not new zombies of the apocalypse… they are just very territorial and unfriendly…”
The Mother of the victim, one Josette Galliot, reported that the clowder of about six cats were powerful enough to knock her daughter to the ground, where they continued to bite and scratch at her. Galliot also reports that the attack has left her daughter traumatized and “bordering on depression.”
France is experiencing a problem with feral cats and, with an estimated 8,000 new ferals being born each day in that country, it’s expected to only get much worse. The problem is due largely to irresponsible cat owners who allow their unneutered cats out of the house to roam free. The cats, while on their excursions, mate with feral cats in the area, which then give birth to new, little, kitteny monsters of feline hell.
Of course, whether a cat is male, or female, neutered, spayed, or intact, domestic cats — feral and non-feral — are still responsible for the brutal killings of approximately 2.5 billion innocent birds per year, and more than 10 billion small mammals each year, in just the Untied States alone. So, if you’re aware of someone who allows their cat out of the house to roam free through the neighborhood, it’s probably good advice to capture that person and flog them repeatedly to the point of severe injury for being such an irresponsible twat — but, only if the laws in your area allow such acts of vigilantism, of course.
The data obtained from this recent cat attack taking place in Belfort, France adds to the ever growing mountain of empirical, scientific evidence which shows that cats do, indeed, suck, and that humans, as a species, very likely possess an innate tendency toward dangerous stupidity — as evidenced by the fact that we ever went out of our way to domesticate the evil little buggers in the first place.
In light of these recent findings, and from what science has documented in the past, there can be little serious debate anymore — dogs and dog lovers and owners, according to science, must now be finally and conclusively recognized as being vastly superior to their feline counterparts — there can be no further excuses. It might even be stated that a possibility exists that cat lovers may even potentially be ‘worse than Hitler’ in terms of how much they suck in comparison to dog lovers — but, that is a matter for some further research.
Then again, however… while cats may indeed be purified evil and expertly hand-crafted out of only finest quality suckiness, I suppose, if one is to remain fair, the question must be asked: Do dogs even have brains?
Now, my apologies for cutting this article short, but I must excuse myself in order to make preparations. I’m expecting a throng of those crazy cat-people (you know the type.) to be descending on my front lawn with torches and pitchforks soon after this article is published.
For another take on this story, a writer for Liberty Voice has offered up his reportage here.